I am struggling to get my daughter Aspyn back in my life.  Here's the true story...

My name is Vicki and I have a daughter named Aspyn.  I was a full time single mom until she was 4.  We are from the northwest (portland, seattle).  I left her father beacuse he was a full blown drug addict.  He maybe saw her 2 dozen times up until she was 2  or should I say 4.  Anyway, I lost my job in washington and his mother (did I mention both of my parents have been deceased for some time?) offered to let us stay there until I got back on my feet. Keep in mind she is approaching 50 and still lives at home with her mother.  I think she only moved out a total of 5 years tops.  She has always hated the fact that I was ever with her son and blames me for his addiction.  When I was 17 she had me convinced that the courts had allowed her to put a restraining order on the 2 of us.  She blames me for the way he turned out, like it had nothing to do with the way she parented him or his own choices.  She tried to talk me into an abortion even willing to pay for it and the cab ride there.  Back to my story.... A couple of months had passed and on Easter sunday 2002 (they are cathlic) so we all thought it would a good idea to make some brandy alexanders.  so 2-3 pitchers later Kay (the grandmother, and Sally the great-grandmother)  wanted me to sign a paper signing over my daughter.  saying that She didn't need me, i was no good for her, that they could kill me and get away with it, and so on..  I refused and left going to a nearby- cigarette place tabacco town.  I had asked them if I could use their phone so that I could call for a ride out of that envirnment and to get my daughter away.  Kay barged in there slamming me into the racks.  They had survelance camera's and called the police.  The wonderful portland police had yet again refused to take a report- saying that there was too much alcohol involved.  I must have forgotten to mention that Aspyn's father beat me so bad one time I had called the police and they never even showed up.  I was beyond fearful at this point.  Scared that they were going to take my daughter and so on.  OK so I called some friends and family out of state to start over by relocating.  We headed off to north carolina in hopes I would find a friend sara.  She had moved so back towards the nw.  On that bus I called a women's shelter to stay there until I reached someone we could stay with.  When we got to sacramento noone from the shelter was there and we were stuck.  There was a guy on there who seemed nice and honest.  He was coming back from some church event and was waiting for his mother and grandpa to pick him up.  hours had passed.  he offered to take put us up in a motel until the next day so that i could try to get into the shelter.  i agreed.  they were going to close the doors there and really wanted to get out of there and put my daughter to sleep in a real bed. we had been traveling for weeks at this point. little did I know that that the experiance would be a terrible nightmare.  That was far more abuse than I have ever been through.  more about that later.  we escaped califorinia.I got ahold of my nephew in Oklahoma.  He said that we could go there and stay.  almost 4 days later we arrived in oklahoma.  when i called my nephew ryan he had been arrested in another city and was in jail.  hopeless i called the women's shelter in norman oklahoma.  we were accepted thank god.  i was so fearful that the nightmare's I had left behind in portland oregon and then sacramento Robert would find us there.  I was stressed out.  Did not know anyone, except ryan who was in jail- and my brother in law who had not been answering his phone(later finding out he was out fishing during all of this)  anyway all of the staff had left the shelter for a few hours and residents except one lady.  I was listening to al green and dancing with my daughter.  she said that that was ni**er music and not acceptable.  I asked how could that be there was no cuss words like there is in soo much of it today.  anyway she proceeded to tell me I was a horrible mother and told staff and they called cps and said that I made up all os the stuff and I abused my daugher.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME????  30 miin later child protective services showed up and immediately took my daughter.  SHE WAS GONE.  then they assigned my a case.  only allowing me to have one 1 hour visit once a month. and i was to immediatly leave the shelter.

Alone and nowhere to go I walked the streets.  got a job at macdonalds and staying at the salvation army.  things seem to be getting better but worse you know?  i finally had money to rent a room and pay for the mandated classes and evualations and ect..  i took a second job bartending to make more money.  i met this guy who had a room for rent with this high school kid.  moved in there- then one day the house got raided by the dea.  they had a search warrant.  the high school kid- (19 josh) sold pot to another kid who got caught with it and they thought that the house was a big time drug house.  they found a bong and less than a half gram in the living room so it's a common area so all 3 of us got felony possesion and paraniflia.  we lived less than 100 feet from a school that's why it made it a felony. 

meanwhile all of this happened with the brand new open cps case.

i hired a lawyer and ther charges got deferred, i had so many hair folicials and ua to prove it.

but the welfare people would not accept some of the completed things because it was not through specific agencies- and i would have never have been able to then complete it with-in their time lines. they were wanting to terminate my rights.  i talked my lawyer into contacting aspyn's dad to sign over temporary custody.  i signed those tempary custody papers jan 3 2003.  that's over 5 years ago.  i still have all of my rights just nothing else.  no visitation, contact anything.  see when i signed the papers- it was supossed to be for a maximum of 3 months. 

we never established visitation because it was never suposed to be a long term thing.  he always had free reign to see her- he just chose not to.  anyway after doing so he gave aspyn to his mother.  without my knowledge consent anything,  i have continued to fight to see her talk to her, but nothing.  this women is pysco.  she will not let me see her in any fashion.  very rarely ( like evey year and a half) returns phone calls or letters. and is consistanly brain washing my daughter.  there are no legal papers prohibitting me from my daughter.  just this women who thinks that she is the law.  that just because this whole mess happened that I am a worthless person let alone mother.  she never forgets to let my know that she will do anything in her power until she is 18  (she is 9 now).  that i don't deserve to live i'm better off dead.  she laughs at the fact that i am still trying to be a part of her life or that noone has put a bullet to my head, ect...

 I went to my daughter's school to try to volunteer-  i saw my daughter.  it was the most amazing thing.  i wanted to tell her 5 years worth of stuff but only had 3 min.  oh the emotions!  i was very excited about this, talked to the volunteer coronator for about a half hour and then kay found out about it.  she personally gave them every document against me and all of the stuff in oklahoma even though it had been a closed and sealed case.  which is some of the problems today. but  i have a permement no trespass order for anything that had to do with her school. 

about a year ago i was house hunting and saw my daughter and kay outside (  i still have hopes that i would like to have her in the same neighborhood of her school) i was soo excited!  this was the second time of seeing her in 4 and a half years! kay sent aspyn insaid and got in my face with a shovel.  2 days later i was served with stalking orders.  she put that she fears that i will run off with her- stated that she has had her since she was 4 and has a gps tracking device on her at all times.  the judge dismissed it.

aspyn's dad lives somewhere in washington state.  so now i am told after all of these years that I have to yet again file and try to fight in King county.since that is where he is- even though me aspyn and kay are all here in portland

What legal right does kay have? why is all of this so difficult? I am terrified that my daughter will be very tramatized about this and hate me worse than what she has already been brainwashed to think.  i know what mistakes i have made and have owned up for all of my decisions- good and bad.  everyone deserves a second chance.  i can't wait for the day that all of efforts will pay off and I can have my wonderful little girl back and that she will know that I never gave up that i have always fought for her and that i am sorry.i have been on a emotional roller coaster and really need to be a mom again. my life will never be complete without her- even though i have been stable and married, and of course drug and alcohol free.  i can't believe all of this.  i have exsaughted all of my resources.i know that i am leaving out soo much.  please help and if not- thank you for taking the time to read this.  vicki